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Title:       On The Occasion of the TMP Director's Cut Release
Author:      Hypatia Kosh
Contact:     athena_sappho at yahoo dot com
Feedback:    of any kind is welcome
Series:      TOS
Featuring:   Spock
Pairing:     K/S
Rating:      G
Part:        1 of 2
Archive:     Trekiverse, yes
Summary:     Variation on a theme from The Motion Picture. 
             Features Ciani and Sonak alive, hence the AU.
Thanks to:   The indispensible Selek, for beta reading.

Note on usage: I have employed two different spellings for the name 
of the machine entity. "Veejur," the phonetic spelling, is used when 
the character does not know the origin of the name; "V'ger" is used 
when the character does. I have used "V'ger" for Spock after the meld 
on the assumption that he would have assimilated the entity's proper 
name, even if he did not pick up on the significance.

/thoughts/

        _On The Occasion of the TMP Director's Cut Release_


|"We are starstuff . . . we are the universe, trying to figure itself 
|out." -- JMS, B5, indubitably with apologies to Carl Sagan

     Three years docked for refit in an insignificant system on the 
galactic rim, the Enterprise cut loose from her moorings to sail the 
sea of stars once again.

     Three years the mighty bird hung dormant. No more. Across the 
inconceivable expanse of the cosmic void, a message had traveled via 
subspace carrier wave, telling of an object, vast as a blue giant, of 
awesome destructive power and headed on course for Sol. 

     Life thrives in narrow ranges, modulating the gradient between 
the stellar inferno and the motionless vacuum. No law of Nature would 
protect that pale blue dot called Earth or any other planet, 
satellite or piece of rock where gaiobiological life had taken hold 
from an object orders of magnitude vaster than their own sun.

     And so it was Enterprise, an even smaller speck in the cosmic 
order, but with vast powers of her own, who was sent to head off the 
danger, to protect not only the Sol system, but the Galaxy itself. 
One advantage had she, bequeathed by Entropy, against the odds cast 
by the impersonal laws of Nature: intelligent life.

                     ====

     Admiral Kirk surveyed the bridge before giving the order to go 
to warp. Decker stood at one end of the bridge, watching like a hawk 
for any error or misstep. /I ought to thank him for being so 
vigilant. Maybe Bones is right. Maybe I am . . . obsessed./

     Vice Admiral Ciani, who had never seen space service, stood at 
the other end of the bridge. Most of the crew undoubtedly believed 
that she had finagled a berth on account of being Kirk's ex-wife and 
associate; Kirk knew that she was here as Nogura's eyes and ears. 
/Well, might as well put on a good show./ As long as she deported 
herself like a professional, he couldn't care less.

     Seated around the bridge were some reassuringly familiar 
faces--and some new ones. The Vulcan, Sonak, at the science station, 
for example. Kirk told himself that he had requested a Vulcan because 
of their reputation for excellence in the sciences, and Sonak's 
qualifications for the post were certainly not in dispute. He told 
himself that a Vulcan could provide an unconventional perspective, a 
calm force on the bridge, and a cool head in a crisis. Yet, deep 
down, he still missed Spock and wondered if this was his way of 
honoring Spock's memory.

     No matter. Time was short: Kirk, unheeding of McCoy's warnings, 
gave the order to engage the warp engines.

                     ====

     It isn't every day that an old friend comes back from the dead. 
Like a shade, Spock seemed utterly unresponsive to every expression 
of welcome from his old comrades. Even Sonak seemed surprised at 
Spock's attitude, although he later would inform the others that 
coldness in social situations was to be expected of a *kolinahru*. 
Perhaps even he, influenced by what he had heard about the celebrated 
Spock, had not expected such machine-like indifference. 

     From the far side of the bridge, Ciani looked on with disgust. 
/So this is the man Jim spent the last three years mourning? This is 
the officer his shipmates described to me in such glowing terms?/ 
She crossed her arms. /What a prick./

     The friend/stranger spoke: "I offer my services as science 
officer . . . With all due respect Commander, Captain, if you will 
excuse me, I will now discuss these fuel equations with the engineer."

     /He has a name, you know,/ thought Kirk. /You worked with him 
for more than a decade./ Addressing people by their functions rather 
than their names was one Vulcan custom Kirk had never cared for.

                     ====

     No sooner had Spock departed the bridge than McCoy wheeled on 
Kirk. "You just let him march in here and do whatever he wants, 
without so much as a 'how-do-you-do'?"

     "That's right. We have to intercept that cloud and our engines
must be repaired. Spock's done it before and I'm certainly not 
going to stop him from doing it again, no matter what happened in the 
past. Do I make myself clear?"

     "Yes," then he grumbled, "Admiral Wishful-Thinking."

     "What was that?"

     "Nothing," he said at normal volume.

     "Good." Kirk sat down seething. It was one thing to have let 
Spock go, as difficult as that had been, to pursue some sort of peace 
for himself. It was another thing to face the approbation of others, 
and he did not like to be reminded of his unwilling separation 
publicly. 

     Behind him, Chapel struck up a whispered conversation with McCoy.

     "I thought you said you were happy to see him."

     "I was--for about fifteen seconds."

     "Well, you can't blame him for being a little out of touch after 
three years at a monastery."

     "Yeah, well, who does he think he is, anyway? He can give us all 
the silent treatment and look right through us and we'll say 'Welcome 
back, Spock, we who are not worthy to lick your boots?'"

     "You know he doesn't mean it that way, Leonard."

     "Oh? Well he sure as hell knows that we take it that way. For 
five years, it was, 'Human affairs are beneath my dignity, I'm 
lowering myself to even talk to you' and then he leaves without a 
word--without a word to any of *us*, that is, and now he shows up and 
thinks he can pull this attitude and everything's just Jim-dandy? 
Horsefeathers!"

     Finally, Kirk, having reached the limits of his patience, spun 
around and cut into the dialogue, which by now was loud enough to 
carry across the bridge. "What do you expect? An apology?" As McCoy 
opened his mouth to agree, Kirk continued in a satirical vein. "'I'm 
sorry. After twenty-five years of being ostracized, abused and 
discriminated against--simply for being Vulcan--after enduring slurs 
on my ancestry and being subject to a campaign to destroy my 
control--I couldn't take it any more, and went home?' Something like 
that?" Satisfied that his outburst had shocked everyone into silence, 
the captain spun back around to face the viewscreen.

     After a tense minute, McCoy's voice: "I'm sorry Jim, I know how 
close you were--"

     Without turning around, he said, "This isn't about me, this is 
about Spock. If anything, I think you owe him an apology." 

     McCoy bit back his anger. "I'll apologize to him . . . when pigs 
fly."

     "Well, if that's how you feel about it then I suppose that's how 
it's going to be."

     "I guess so."

     Finally, McCoy left, and Kirk felt relief that the doctor had 
managed not to slur Vulcans in general. As it was, Sonak must have 
been wondering why Kirk maintained a close association with such an 
intolerant person. /Not intolerant--this argument was always 
personal. But why did he and does he always have to make an issue of 
Spock's race?/

                     ====

     Waiting for Spock in the officer's lounge, Kirk and McCoy had 
reached an unspoken truce. Still, something was eating McCoy and he 
had to ask, "What is Spock going to do? His seat is taken, if you 
catch my drift."

     "He'll assist Sonak or Scotty, or whoever else needs him."

     "And after this mission is over?"

     "After this mission--if we survive it--we'll have to see. 
Frankly, I don't know why Spock is here, much less if he's sticking 
around."

                     ====

     "If this super-intelligence is as important to him as he says it 
is . . ."

     " . . . how do you know he won't endanger the ship?" A pause. "I 
could never believe that of him."

                     ====

     Spock was still Spock, Kirk reflected, even if he was more 
toneless and impassive than before. Spock had been known to get like 
this at times, after all, in the past. Kirk, for one, had never found 
that calm, quiet efficiency uncomfortable. Despite the three-year 
separation, he and his former first were operating on the same page 
again. In fact, he and Decker had also begun to build a rapport. An 
efficient team--that's all he'd ever asked for. Despite everyone's 
misgivings, they might stand a chance after all.

                     ====

     Deathly silence on the bridge after Ilia's sudden demise. The 
crew had a taste of fear now. Now they could only wait and trust in 
the commander who had never failed them before.

                     ====


     On the shuttle trip to the Enterprise, Sonak and Ciani had had 
occasion to chat. 

     "I'm told it's considered quite an honor for a scientist to be 
named Science Officer on the Enterprise," Ciani said.

     "Indeed, and all the more so because of who held that position 
before me."

     "Spock. I met him once. What an enigma. Anyway, Jim tells me he 
got into some sort of existential crisis and that was why he went 
back to Vulcan."

     "I have heard," Sonak forayed, curious about her connection to 
the admiral, "that Kirk would not have joined the admiralty had Spock 
remained in the Starfleet."

     "More true than you know." As she warmed into the gossip, she 
added *sotto voce*, "Jim was devastated when Spock left."

     "He seems to have recovered."

     "He has, but I think a part of him will never get over it. When 
you have a relationship like that . . . I mean, he and Spock were 
tight," she demonstrated with her fingers, "when you break up a 
friendship like that . . ."

     "It was my understanding that Admiral Kirk and Spock were not 
merely friends."

     "Well, yeah, but, honestly . . . Jim's been around the block 
more than a few times. He never woke up in the middle of the night 
looking for any of them. Only Spock.

     "That is, except for 'Edith.' From what I gather she died in 
some sort of accident during the five-year mission, but he refused to 
tell me anything about her. She wasn't anyone who served on the 
Enterprise, either--I checked."

     "Curious."

     "Anyway, whatever you do, don't let him start comparing you to 
Spock, because it's a battle you can't win. I put up with about ten 
months of that and that was enough for me. It's not like Jim ever 
made that comparison out loud, of course--he would just get 
disappointed with me and I knew I was being compared unfavorably to 
his old side-kick."

     "As a science officer, Spock's record is most impressive. I 
expect that there will be many who will compare me to him. I also 
know that Admiral Kirk is by all accounts a fair commander. I cannot 
replace his friend, but I believe I can perform satisfactorily as 
science officer."

     "He is fair--he wants to be fair. But he's also human and his 
emotions get in the way sometimes. If you call him on it, he'll 
change his behavior. But if that doesn't work, talk to me and I'll 
give him an earful. It's not that he listens to me any more than he 
listens to anyone else, but he knows he can't touch me so I can say 
whatever I please."

     "I will keep your offer in mind."

End Part 1 of 2

Title:       On The Occasion of the TMP Director's Cut Release
Author:      Hypatia Kosh
Contact:     athena_sappho at yahoo dot com
Feedback:    of any kind welcome
Series:      TOS
Featuring:   Spock
Pairing:     K/S
Rating:      G
Part:        2 of 2
Archive:     Trekiverse, yes
Summary:     Variation on a theme from The Motion Picture. 
             Features Ciani and Sonak alive, hence the AU.
Thanks to:   The indispensible Selek, for beta reading.

Begin Part 2 of 2

     Deathly silence on the bridge. Sulu and Uhura shared a glance, 
then looked over at Chekov, on the "wrong" side of the bridge. It was 
just as well that he had not been at his customary position. Ilia's 
sudden, inexplicable demise had left them all in shock. Even for the 
experienced officers, the situation seemed surreal. And now the 
captain was no longer on the bridge to provide them even that 
reassurance, as he had headed belowdecks taking Spock and Decker with 
him when a sudden anomaly--eminating, no doubt, from Veejur--had 
appeared in Lieutenant Ilia's quarters.

                     ====

     "How does it feel to be irrelevant?" Ciani asked Sonak, standing 
behind his science station on the bridge. Kirk, Decker, Spock and 
McCoy, who were where the action was, had only told the bridge that 
Veejur had manifested a humanoid probe in the form of Ilia on the 
Enterprise, leaving the bridge crew in suspense.

     "Feel? Irrelevant?"

     "Castoffs, second-best. Spock is back and we're not needed. Did 
you see how Jim just ran off with Spock and McCoy, as if no one else 
existed?"

     "They were his comrades on the five-year mission," Sonak 
reminded her. "It does not affect me adversely.  Also, are you not 
only here as an observer?" 

     "I'll have you know I'm also here in an advisory capacity. 
Although it doesn't surprise me that I've been neglected, since I was 
placed here over his head."

     "Oh?" Sulu, who had the conn, had suddenly taken an interest in 
the conversation. 

     Speaking to the assorted bridge crew, Ciani explained. "Yes, I'm 
the envoy from the upper admiralty, here to keep an eye on all of 
you." Unnerved by the rapt attention, she added, "Don't worry, only 
good things will go into my report. We'll all consider ourselves 
lucky to get out of this alive." The tension eased a bit. Sonak 
observed the smiles as the crew returned their attention to their 
stations. Human behavior was truly perplexing.

                     ====

     The communications officer sighed and turned towards the others. 
"Well, he's off," she reported apologetically.

     "So. The Admihral is following Mihster Spock on a vild space 
chase. Da, this ihs just great," Chekov commented.

     "I wonder what Spock hopes to do out there?" wondered Uhura. 

     "Perhaps he wishes to learn more about Veejur?" offered Sonak. 
"Our scanners have told us very little."

     "Does he usually just go off on his own like that?" asked Ciani.

     A look passed among the Old Guard. "Yes," answered Sulu. 
"Sometimes on away missions he'd figure something out but not tell 
anyone else."

     "Then, *voosh*, he vas off like a rocket," said Chekov, 
demonstrating the principle with hand gestures. 

     "Or more likely he'd just disappear and no one would notice he 
was missing for a couple of hours," Sulu continued.

     "Then he'd turn up," Uhura added, "usually with some 'present' 
for the captain. I think Pavel tried that once but it didn't work 
out so well."

     "Ihf that Klingon hadn't bumped me on the head, I t'ink I vould 
haff been getting a medal or somet'ink." The Old Guard laughed, 
remembering that incident from the end of the five-year mission. 

     Ciani was somewhat unsettled by their carefree attitude. "Sounds 
like he was playing fast and loose with protocol to me," commented 
the vice-admiral.

     "He saved my butt more times that I care to recall," rejoined 
Sulu. "I'll trust he knows what he's doing."

     "I don't care how he does it," added Uhura, "as long as he comes 
back."

                     ====

     Kirk held Spock's unresponsive body in his arms, spit out by 
Veejur. He could not allow himself the luxury of panic in the vacuum 
of space. No, if Spock were dead or merely unconscious, it would not 
be known until they were on the ship. At least the suit was not 
breached. Kirk pretended that the suited form he pulled back to the 
ship was simply asleep during that nerve-wracking and dangerous 
passage.

                     ====

     When Kirk saw Spock in sickbay, he saw a face that was utterly 
relaxed, almost angelic. And when he awoke, his eyes lit up in a way 
that Kirk hadn't seen in--years.

                     ====

     "It's asking questions. Is this all that I am? Is there nothing 
more?"

                     ====

     During the last year of the five-year mission, Spock experienced 
a crisis more severe than any that had come before. It manifested 
itself in a certain indecisiveness, just when he had begun to really 
show command ability. Only Jim knew of his deepest concerns.

     "I wonder if I have chosen the right path for my life, if I 
belong in Starfleet. In retrospect, I joined the service for purely 
emotional reasons. Indeed, I find that almost every decision I make 
has an emotional factor. I seem to have lost the objectivity needed 
to make logical choices."

     "Don't we all make decisions based on emotional factors? When 
two options are equally valid, which one do you choose? Logic is only 
a method--where do you begin? Even geometry starts with unproveable 
postulates."

     "You are correct that the basis of every philosophy is 
arbitrary. But if you accept a code of ethics, does it not make sense 
to follow it decisively? I wonder if I have made the best use of my 
talents, or if I am only selfishly pursuing my desires--desires 
which, by their very nature, are insatiable."

     "Wouldn't you prefer to work where you are happiest? You've been 
very productive in Starfleet. Even the most strong-willed person may 
falter in a hostile environment."

     "Vulcan was perhaps not so hostile as I perceived it--nor was my 
father. It is often true that one projects one's emotions onto the 
surrounding environment."

     "Spock, I feel like Vulcan is pulling you away from me."

     "And that is a classic example."

     "Metaphor, Spock--worth a thousand explanations."

     "None of them satisfactory."

                     ====

     "It knows only that it needs. But, like so many of us, Captain, 
it does not know what."

                     ====

     "Think about the Adam myth--Man, the namer of things. We create 
meaning. We decide on value. Spock, your purpose has to come from 
within yourself. You aren't going to find it with a change of 
scenery or change of associates. Those are externalities."

     "Jim, sometimes I don't know who I am. How I define myself is 
in terms of those 'externalities.' When you take them away, what is 
left?"

                     ====

     "No mystery, no beauty. No hope, Jim. No answers."

                     ====

     Kirk felt the sweetest hope in his heart. He had just held the 
hand of a new Spock, a Spock reborn. A Spock who was ready to embrace 
all the contradictions of his being and beat a blazing path all his 
own. 

     It was all Kirk and the others had tried to tell Spock in one 
way or another for years: there is no purpose in pure logic.

                     ====

     Spock's eyes were wet with tears. Was this the same being who 
had first appeared on the bridge, impassive and impenetrable hardly a 
day ago? For the first time in three years, Kirk caught a fleeting 
telepathic impression from Spock. He sensed that this emotion was 
deeply personal, but not--"Not for us?"

     "No, Captain, not for us." 

     /Whatever that means--which 'us' did I mean, and which one did 
he answer with?/

     "For V'ger," Spock explained. "I weep for V'ger as I would for a 
brother. As I was when I came aboard, so is V'ger now--empty, 
incomplete and searching. Logic and knowledge are not enough." 

     /He's crying because he feels sorry for himself--and for Veejur, 
out of empathy--the incredible empathy he has always had for the most 
unlikely beings. Strange, isn't it, that Spock--a Vulcan, and a 
Vulcan who has just spent three years purging his emotions--feels 
free to shed tears on the bridge, whereas I can never do so./

                     ====

     Once again, Ciani and Sonak found themselves left behind, this 
time as Kirk, Spock, Decker and McCoy followed the Ilia probe to 
Veejur's central control unit--supposing that it even existed. This 
time, Sonak had the conn.

     "I can't believe Jim bluffed that machine!" Ciani blurted out. 

     "Don't relax yet, hon," chided Uhura. 

     "Ihf I know Keptin Kirk, this party ihs only getting started," 
commented Chekov. 

     Sonak sat silently in the command chair, fingers steepled, while 
the nervous chatter continued around him.

     "I think I'm beginning to understand why Kirk's crew would 
follow him to the gates of Chthon and back," said the vice-admiral 
from her position standing behind the science officer in the 
captain's chair. "Just when you think the game's up, he pulls one 
more card out of his sleeve." She paced a bit, standing for a while 
to one side of Sonak, then letting her nerves carry her to the other 
side, and back. Being an observer meant doing without a chair, 
apparently. 

     "Captain Kirk amassed a considerable reputation for 
unconventional problem solving," offered Sonak, finally warming to 
the conversation.

     "It's so strange. When he was in charge of Ops--'dirtside,' is 
what he called it--he was a strictly by-the-numbers commander. 
Whenever a dispute arose he would literally pull out the manual and 
quote the appropriate regs and that would be that. I'm seeing there's 
a whole side to his personality that I never knew existed."

     "Running a dirtside operation is very different from working in 
space," said Uhura, speaking from experience. Then she frowned--an 
incoming call from the Captain. "He says we're to order up records on 
. . . Voyager Six? Yes, Enterprise copies, Admiral . . ."

                     ====

     From one birth to another. Kirk had seen a new Spock and now a 
new V'ger come into being. Each birth had been costly in its own way. 
Spock had spent three lonely years in the desert and had followed 
that with a mind meld that had brought him within an inch of 
permanent brain damage--within an inch of his life as well. And V'ger 
had taken the lives of Ilia and Decker, although they had not died so 
much as transmuted, by becoming one with the machine. Kirk could not 
tell exactly why Decker had joined with V'ger willingly--surely not 
simply for Ilia? (Kirk himself had a strict policy of never dying for 
love.) Was it the great power, the near immortality V'ger offered? 
The incredible knowledge, which had indeed tempted Spock? Or simply 
the adventure--to truly go where no human being had gone before? Kirk had 
needed to scramble out of the way to avoid becoming part of that 
transformation himself--some part of him had wanted to linger, to 
experience that transformation out of sheer curiousity. Fortunately, 
his self-preservation instinct kicked in at the last moment, when 
Spock had touched him on the shoulder, a gentle reminder.

/I'm a carbon-based unit with promises to keep./

End Part 2 of 2

Sodomy! Guilt! Despair!
Adultery! Pon Farr! Madness! Racial miscegenation!
Banned on ASCA! 

It's Part II of this TMP adaptation--a derivative work based on 
Star Trek: The Motion Picture

::On The Occasion of the TMP Director's Cut Release, Part II::

==>Longer than the movie itself!
==>Flashbacks to the lost years!
==>Featuring Kirk and Spock

Coming soon^1 to a newsgroup near you!

(Condensed non-K/S version of I and II to appear on ASC)

1--in several months. Maybe. :^P

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