Contents: Star Trek Advantage Card; Early Signs of a Star Trek Obsession.
Warning: Sarcasm Ahead!

I guess if I wanted to make this super-tacky I would have used blink tags and animated gif backgrounds. Oh well! Most credit card offer sites are still this tacky, so who would notice?

Join TrekAmericaTM
Sign up for the Star Trek Advantage CardTM Today!

TrekdomTM provides comprehensive benefits to its members

  1. Get out of jury duty! Remember Barbara Adams, the woman who was kicked out of the Whitewater jury in 1996 because she refused to quit wearing her Starfleet(TM) uniform? That could be you!

  2. Klingon(TM) is now a federally recognised ethnic minority. Unfortunately, there are no affirmative action programs to hire Klingon(TM)-speakers, but there is an emerging job market for bilingual Klingon(TM) interpreters.

  3. Spend your allowance . . . er, paycheck on worthless junk at Star Trek conventions. Meet hundreds of fan-atics at least as dedicated as you are. Sure, tickets are $60, but the experience of being only 5 meters away from Wil Wheaton or Brannon Braga is worth it, wouldn't you say?

  4. With our premium Delusions of Grandeur(TM) package, all you have to do is picture yourself in a world free of racism, sexism, poverty and injustice, and voilà - you're there!

  5. You'll join the community of Trekkies, known to be the least prejudiced and most tolerant people on Ea
    > Transfer Interrupted! 
    WARNING! NETWORK INTRUSION DETECTED             11:59:59 31.12.2000 GMT

    <--yOU STPID FREAK! It's TREKKER, not TREKKIE!!!! I bet YOU DONT HAVE A LIFE ANNYWAY!! gO $%^@^ YERSELF, YOU bLEEPINg FAG!!!!! {{{>:^O sTAR tRKE RULZ!!!!!!!!!!-->

  6. You can create your own free Star Trek(TM) webpage*, and win fabulous site awards from other trekkies who have nothing better to do than surf the internet and design site award graphics.
    *WE don't provide free webpages. You can get free webpages from free webspace providers.

  7. See your friends on the big screen in Trekkies.

  8. You can chat with Star Trek(TM) fans from around the globe 24 hours a day. You'll always have a "life," even if your internet addiction causes you to lose your job. It was a boring job anyway.

  9. For only (can you believe it?) $7.50 you can participate in Motion Picture History by attending a Star Trek(TM) Movie Event - the next Star Drek movie! For the low, low price of $97.95, you can own ten Star Trek(TM) movie classics on video, and we'll throw in Geordi's First Contacts(TM) for free! As if you didn't already have it on tape, we'll sell you the *complete* collection of Star Trek(TM) episodes, including such "classics" as "Spock's Brain," "Shades of Gray," "Fair Haven," etc.

  10. Just don't forget that the friendly folks here at Paramount own Star Trek (TM), and if you mess with our copyright, even if there's no money involved, Sumner here will send his boys to break your legs, or at least suspend your internet account. So be good boys and girls, and always remember to spend lots of cash on Star Drek merchandize to keep the best show of all time on the air.

Early Warning Signs of a Star Trek Obsession

  1. You refer to real life as "RL".
  2. You get annoyed when they won't let you wear your Starfleet uniform/insignia to work.
  3. You name your cat "Spot" or "Neelix."
  4. You name your dog "Spock."
  5. You ARE Barclay in "Hollow Pursuits."
  6. You think "Phaedra" is about Vulcans, not Greeks.
  7. You write your doctoral thesis on Star Trek.
  8. You buy tapes of "The Cloudminders," "The Omega Glory," "The Royale," "One Little Ship," "Threshold" and "Spirit Folk" not because you plan to watch them but "to complete the set."
  9. You write to Pocket Books complaining about paperback reissues - how do they expect you to scrounge the time or money to get every cover, huh?
  10. You think "horticulture" refers the art and heritage of a race of silicon lifeforms on Janus V.

Do you like to "MST3K" rotten shows with your friends? Then check out this guide to Bad Star Trek. Created July 24, 1998. Last modified 3.16.00.
This site created and maintained by Berli.
The management is not responsible for brain cells lost while reading this article.